I’ve heard it said that “delayed obedience is actually disobedience.” I believe that’s a parenting principle, isn’t it? Funny how so many parenting principles apply to our lives as His sons and daughters.
It appears that it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve last written a blog post. While my photography blog isn’t so unloved that it’s missed 2 years, it feels the pain of neglect, too. I need to get out of “I’m and introvert, and I like it” mode and get into “obedient share” mode.
For the last two years I have enjoyed a plethora of experiences ranging from deep despair (that time I lost my ability to move) to this is cRazY (can you believe someone gave us a top-of-the-line Yukon Denali?!), and, in time, I’ll share some of those with you.
So, what’s been keeping me from it? Thoughts like:
“What happens when you run out of things to write?” (as if He can’t give me more every day)
“I don’t want to seem prideful or like I have it all figured out.” (because I don’t)
“No one really cares.” (selfish much? it’s not really about me, is it?)
“Who are YOU to write for other people to read?”
I laugh at that last one because I was just listening to a conference call for She Speaks that I have the honor and privilege of attending next month. She said (I’m going to quote, but there is some paraphrasing happening here, so read the quotations loosely), “Some of you are wondering what you have gotten yourself into not only by signing up for She Speaks, but by signing up to meet with a publisher. You’re thinking, ‘What was I thinking?!’ The lie Satan is whispering in your ear is ‘Who do you think you are to write a book and present it to a publisher?’ The truth right now: It’s not about who you are, because this isn’t about you. You are being obedient to God.”
So, here I am…being obedient.
For years I’ve had people speak into my life about the books I’m going to write one day. One went so far as to gift money for me to attend a writing conference. In the last year I’ve been dipping my toes in the water to get a “feel for things.” As I spent a little time writing for StoneWater U, I found it is something I DO love and enjoy the challenge.
The next step seemed to be taking the step to use that gift and register for a conference. When I registered, I clicked the little box that said “I would like to meet with a publisher.” I knew I registered later than those who were really “with it,” and that the liklihood I would get an appointment would be slim to none. Really, it was a low risk box checking that I did. Earlier this week, I received an email that explained a publisher appointment had opened and asking if I would like to take it. The thought that ran through my brain was, “Really?! Could it be that I might really on the verge of doing this?” I stepped back long enough after typing, “Yes, I would love the opportunity,” to say a prayer about my answer, and, feeling confirmed, I hit ‘send.’
then I received the follow up documents. Suddenly I feel like I’m in grad school again with projects to complete that take me all the way back to my English undergrad years of analyzing and deconstructing pieces, except starting from the ground and building up. I have a lot to do, and I have a lot to learn as I go. Grad school was kind of crazy – I was teaching full time, expecting one child (whom I birthed early in one semester, so I went back to class when she was 5 days old…right around feeding time that evening…moms, you get this), and I finished as I juggled teaching and chasing a toddler and being a youth minister’s wife.
It’s pretty much deja vu: I’m running a business full time, chauffeuring and cleaning up and loving on two kiddos (all of you who stifled your laughs when I lamented how I couldn’t wait until my two precious littles could cook and clean for themselves, go ahead, let that laugh out loud and proud ;), being a pastor’s wife, women’s ministry coordinator, and the other variety life offers.
You know, it may be that nothing comes of this. I go to an awesome conference, I learn a lot, and I sense I’ve been obedient and move along to His next plan.
You know the best part though, I’m no longer in the “delayed obedience” category…I’m walking in the freedom, purpose, and joy of surrender. This chapter should be titled, “Obedience,” and I’m betting that it’s going to be exciting.