Where I have I been? Good question. In denial, I believe. Maybe confusion. Patiently waiting? Can I pass it off as patiently waiting? Didn’t think so.
Busyness has been my blindfold and comfort, of sorts, as I avoid dealing with the situation at hand. I truly need to get away, all alone, in a very barren location with only my Bible and an iPod of worship music. I do. I’ve heard of retreats where they take all electronic devices for a period of about four days, and you spend time with God. I cry right now as I think of how delightful that would be.
I cry a lot lately.
Usually behind doors where no one, not even Jeremy, sees or hears.
I tell everyone I’m fine.
I’m so confused.
Right now I’m a very emotional woman! I mean, we’re all emotional, aren’t we, ladies? I have a friend who’s husband used to wave his hands in the air and say, “Wheeee, riding the Christy roller coaster!!!” She’d roll her eyes, and they’d move on. (we just lost touch, they’re still married) But, honestly, I think Jeremy probably thinks, “I wonder which of Sybil’s personalities is going to greet me?” when he sees I’m calling or arrives home. It would be a valid question. Some days I’m inside of myself thinking, “who are you?”
I’m also a very logical lady. Really, I am. Not just because I had a perfect 100 in Philosophy 240 at A&M, that’s the logic class and I don’t know why it was on my degree plan, and I beat Jeremy and Joey. But, I digress, that whole story is for another time. I’m an analyzer. I like to take a slow, methodical approach to figuring things out. I’m a slow processor. Please don’t rush me when I’m making an important decision (even if that important decision is what to have for lunch).
As a result, there’s a war going on inside of Misti White – emotion versus logic. The battle is ON. And, I’m stuck right smack in the middle.
Back to busyness. I desire more than anything for my life to slow down. I want to spend a day on the couch. I want to spend more than 15 to 20 minutes in a Bible study and prayer (excluding prayer while running because I keep getting distracted by deer – yes, behind Our Savior Lutheran a beautiful buck & doe – potholes, dogs, and so forth). I want