Waiting & Listening

God, I pray that this post will be an encouragement and challenge to those who read and not a display of pride. It’s all for you, it’s not about me. Amen.

Can I tell you that worship has never been sweeter for me? I’ve always needed the praise and worship time. I love the message, but I definitely make it a priority not to miss the music part of service. The last couple of weeks, I’ve had to stop and write down some lyrics because I find myself so overwhelmed by them ~ like almost lifting my hands up (not that it’s bad to lift your hands, but I find worship a very private experience and do not want to draw attention to myself, and, since I sit on the front row the chances of that are increased; also, I’ve heard a lot of people tell me how distracting it is for them to see others waving their hands around, and I do not want to hinder someone else; finally, I can worship fine with my hands down because God knows my heart).

So let my whole life be a blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings the greatness of our King
Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be yours
~ Steve Fee
Glory to God Forever
We will give it all to you
Even through the rise and fall
We will give it all to you, my God
I will give it all to you
Cause even when I weak you’re strong
I will give it all to you, my God.
Jesus, Savior, King of Nations
You have come to save.
We will praise you, now and forever
We were born to praise.
You have come to save
You have come to change
The world through us
But change us first!
~Daniel Harper
Give It All
Where does that lead me…I’m not sure. I know that God has given me great comfort in the past days to the point where I’m enjoying going to work. The sick feeling in my stomach has left which makes the drive to work much more pleasurable than the feeling of complete dread and that I might break into sobs at any moment!
While at the Road to Reality meeting last week, I felt the little “knock, knock, knock.” (Sidenote: I think I am staying too busy to sit and listen to God because I got a lot out of that meeting that wasn’t about what the meeting was about.) “So, you’re really over your salary? You can quit and not miss it?” “Yes, God, I am. I even looked and didn’t cringe when I saw I’d be giving up $25,000.” “Give it to me next month.” “Wha-huh?” “Yes, give it to me for a month. Your month’s salary – give it to me.” That really left me no leg to stand on. I’m willing to give it up, so an act of faith would be to follow God here and give it for a month.
At that moment lightbulbs began to flash on. Obedience even though I don’t know where it’s leading is a little difficult for me, but step by step seems to be the least painful, so I’m going with it. Wow, this journey, this trip through the deepest valley I’ve travelled through in a while, this is part of the answer! I had to loosen my grip on “my” money! My salary for the last years has been the “fun” money for the family. Don’t think we blow it all on fun – there is the medical flex account, there is savings, there is retirement, and so on, but, really, my salary is the extra cushion in our lives. I find myself often thinking, “Yes, I can and I am because that’s why I’m working. I deserve it.” Uh, no honey, you don’t.
I felt a little like I did the night I told Jeremy that God had revealed that we were, indeed, supposed to plant a church. I was a little embarrassed by the big deal I had made in other conversations, embarrassed by my selfishness, and humbled by the opportunity. I think you could have knocked Jeremy over with a feather. “You can pick up your jaw from the floor,” I told him.
Can I tell you that just two days after listening to God, my dishwasher quit working – for the 3rd time in the 5 years we’ve lived here? I remember starting to unload, seeing the food (now baked on), and thinking, “Well, that’s what my salary is for.” Can I tell you my confusion when I remembered I was giving that to God? “What’s that all about, huh? I gave it to You, but now I need it! You know I can’t and won’t take it back because You’re GOD, so what am I going to do? I trust you to provide, and I give it to You.” I examined the situation and decided a $20 part might make the fix. Upon arrival, it didn’t. With humor and maybe a touch of frustration, I broadcast it to the FB world on Thursday. No intention other than expression of the humor of replacing other elements in the kitchen for the dish washer to follow with a final surrender.
I got a reply, “we just pulled our dishwasher out because we are remodeling. You are welcome to it. It is 2 years old. Its a white GE.”
It seems this couple wasn’t planning a remodel quite so soon, but Monday decided to get started. The dishwasher came out just two or three days before I needed it. Seems someone was making preparations for me. Jeremy and I loaded up, loaded a dish washer, uninstalled the dead one and reinstalled a new one.
Funny, this new-to-me dishwasher holds more dishes, washes better, and is quieter than my other one, oh, and it matches my kitchen! Anyway, it’s pretty cool to watch God provide and be present in your life.
This gave me a great reference just a few nights ago when Jeremy indicated a need to talk where he had my full attention (without kids, away from the computer ~gasp, eye to eye). “I think it’s time we step out on faith.” My mind raced…where is he going with this, what are getting? what are we giving up? who’s coming to live with us? are we giving the truck away? adopting someone? what?! “I think we need to seriously consider you quitting next year.”
Did you just feel the jab to the stomach? maybe the jaw? I sure did.
See, in our last conversation, Jeremy was supportive, but still thinking this was the typical “beginning of the school year” stress & blues, pointed out how my salary paved the way for retirement, how he envisioned the money we spend on Hudson’s preschool would go into the college fund, and so forth. He did not shoot me down, but I had begun adjusting to his way of thinking, so this kind of knocked the breath out of me for a minute.
I don’t know what to think…so I’m just singin’ my prayer…
So let my whole life be a blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings the greatness of our King

Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be yours
~ Steve Fee
Glory to God Forever
And, riding the wave of the rise and fall…

“Give it all” from NewSpring Media on

Comments

  1. says

    When we sing this song in church, it is like my entire body becomes lifeless and every part of me is offered to Christ. It is the most awesome feeling, a true worship experience, and reading this post did the same thing to me. Love seeing how God is working in your life.

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