Road Trip

I can’t say I’ve received an answers in the past days, but I’m further down the road, and I’m travelling with Him.

Following my husband and Chris’s notes from over a week ago, I’ve drawn near to God like never before. I’ve been sick enough before that I literally had to lean against a wall to stay up, and I’ve also had to lay on the ground because I just wasn’t able to go on. I’m there – God is my wall and my floor. I almost feel depressed, but I find joy in Him and my family, so I know I’m not truly in a depression.

I know I haven’t searched the Scriptures like I should. I’ve been in a study of the Psalms, and I’m eager for it to end because I can feel that I’m about to move on to something huge. I’ve prayed – and prayed – and prayed. Not hour upon hour of prayer, but in every move I make I find myself just praying to God for His direction and intervention. Jeremy and I discussed the fact that he is not part of my wise counsel right now. He’s too close to the situation. That’s a little disheartening, because, really, I don’t have anyone for counsel. It’s a bit of a lonely road, and the first time I’ve found myself in such a situation. My friends are all too close to the situation as to how it personally affects them or how it will influence their worth (can I say I HATE the stay home vs. work outside home dichotomy?). Jeremy and I sat and tried to think of someone to give me counsel, and we are both at a loss. That makes me sad, but happy, too, because God made me – ME!

I loved that Jeremy ended that message with the question, What requires more faith? I also love how this week’s message fit so perfectly with that question in my life. Point 3 this week is basically, What has God done in the past to give me confidence in the future? If I take the faith question and the what God has done question, I have a beautiful reassurance that God loves me and will take care of me. What required more faith – leaving Dallas, a part time job, secure finances, friends or coming to Granbury to plant a church, uncertain finances, no job, no friends? That was easy! What did God do? He blessed my socks off! And it’s not all about the pursuit of blessing, but about following him in faith.

What requires more faith? I don’t know. I know that I am doing what I can and trusting God with what I can’t, and I’m praying for the right people to walk into my life and the wrong to just leave me alone.

Lately God has really reached my heart and given me prayer through songs. These songs have truly touched me in the last weeks: To Trust You, Revelation, and Glory to God Forever.

To Trust You ~ Ginny Owens
I’m knocking on Your door,
Won’t you answer?
I’m waiting for a word,
Or just a whisper;
But if You can’t answer me this time,
I can handle everything just fine
‘Cause somehow I seem to think I have power,
And I know best how to make things better,
I try to carry everything alone,
But now the time has come to let go
To trust You with my life,
To believe You all the time,
And to leave my doubt behind,
Oh to trust You with my life.

Will I ever learn to stop and listen,
To keep knocking on Your door until it opens,
Teach me what it means to believe,
That You are strong enough to carry me
Oh, to trust You with my life,
To believe You all the time,
And to leave my doubt behind,
Oh, to trust You with my life.
And to give You everything,
All the deepest parts of me,
And to know You’re always right,
To trust You with my life.
Broken here before You on my knees,
Is my only hope of finding peace.

All I know is to pray the words of this song. To pray that I don’t fall into the trap of “handling everything just fine” on my own, but to truly wait on Him. To believe that He is strong enough to carry me and keep knocking on the door until He reveals that it is opened. Most of all, I know the time has come to let go and just trust.

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