This week, already, has been a little emotional. I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, but it’s over an inanimate object that has 4 wheels. On Sunday I welcomed my new-to-me car into my life. It’s the same one that I blogged about earlier this month (see the two posts below this one. Start with the bottom, then move up if you need to catch up). I am excited, but not as excited as I feel like I maybe should be. I mean, holy cow, I have an awesome car! I’ll admit, it feels a bit “more mature” than I am, kinda like I should be driving around with a hand over my mouth to hide my giggle. That’s good emotion, right? Well, there’s a dark side – you see, yesterday I said goodbye to the Protege. An eleven and a half year relationship – over.

Silly, right? Yes, I cried as I drove it the final time to it’s new home. Yes, there are some things I miss.

I was overcome with these emotions last night when I sat down to finish my study from Discipleship Essentials for our life group tonight. The focal passage is Luke 9:23-24 and included a reading passage, really an expository, on the passage. In the reading, Johnson focused on dissecting the phrases ‘deny yourself,’ ‘take up your cross,’ and ‘lose your life for my sake.’

I am always so scared of those exact phrases in that passage. Deny myself? Does that mean of everything I enjoy, everything I love, deny myself happiness? Johnson does a great job of explaining that it’s not giving up happiness; it’s giving up “self-lordship.” He goes on to explain ‘take up your cross’ as a process of giving all of our hopes and dreams for His.

As I finished reading, it hit me how parallel the situation really was. I’m crying over a car – one that’s comfortable, I know inside and out, and is mine when the one I’m getting is SO MUCH BETTER. I mean, I’m moving into a sunroof, dual DVD players with headphones in the back for the kids, heated leather seats, smooth driving machine! That’s my life in Christ – I’m so happy to continue to spend my time the way I want because it’s what I’ve always done. This amount of time for email, laundry, dishes, cleaning, grade papers… What if I don’t get something done because I stop to do my Bible study?! Gasp! Seriously, when I ‘deny myself’ and ‘take up my cross,’ what I’m going to have is SO MUCH BETTER!

So, why can’t I remember that?


  1. says

    I am so way behind on reading your blog!

    I just went and read Luke 9 and I wanted to comment on verse 24. If we are so caught up in saving our lives, saving or preserving what we perceive to be important, Jesus says we are essentially losing ourselves. Rather, if we really wish to save our life, we must “take up His cross daily” rather than doing what WE want. I selfishly spend way too much time of my spare time worrying about myself rather than God: for me it’s kids, friends, playing, facebook, work, even blogging. “Taking up His cross” in my own life means giving up that ME time with which I am so frequently selfish.

    Thanks for posting this. I’m glad I just read this (even though you posted it Feb 3) because it spoke to my heart tonight.

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