Not Perfect

One of the things I struggle with is the pressure to be perfect. I like to think I’ve overcome a lot of perfectionism in the last few years (somehow two kids, working full time, and having a husband who has a bit on his plate, too makes that happen – it was loosen up or go insane). I say all that to say, I also struggle with the need to be ultra spiritual all the time. You know, that as the “pastor’s wife” I have to have a Bible verse for every situation, know everyone’s name at every event, and have amazing quiet times with tons of spiritual lessons to share. Sometimes I do, other times, well…

Two weeks ago the “fun” started. Jeremy left early Tuesday for a church planting conference, returned Thursday evening, I took off Friday morning for a scrapbook retreat, and I returned Sunday afternoon. Let me add that the Sunday prior to leaving was a normal Sunday for us – crazy. Monday night we managed to fit in Life Group since Tuesday would be busy. Monday night Jenna started running a fever. I started a new semester on Tuesday, so I couldn’t miss, but Jer had to leave.

I love stress – I perform best under pressure. I also hate stress – it makes me, well, stressed. Jeremy is one of my lifelines when I’m under pressure. So, mix stress & what was pretty much separation from Jeremy for 7 days = impending disaster. But, what really sealed the deal for my date with disaster was not spending time with God on those days. I’m sure your life is much like mine was last week – trips take you and your husband different directions, kids get ill, house work needs to get done, you know the “stuff” that creeps in. Where do you run? Facebook? TV? Food? or, the one place you should, God?

Anyway, it all fell to pieces Monday. Jeremy asked me if I had done my lesson for life group. I won’t give all the details, but it went badly. Suffice it to say that I had not because I had chosen to do other “more” important (and really far less important) things with my time. I was dry.

I say all of that to confess that I’m not perfect. I need a nudge every now and then. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed with amazing accountability partners, a husband who is the spiritual leader of our home, and a God who forgives me and welcomes me back. Can I tell you how refreshing Wednesday was? I feel like God gave me the ice day. Just for me. I cuddled up in my favorite chair with my Bible, a book I’ve been reading that speaks straight to my heart (What Happens When Women Say Yes to God), and I spent time with Him. I felt so much better in every way. I really can’t emphasize the difference it made.

Do you spend time with God on a regular basis? You’ll feel better if you do – better in a way I can’t describe.
Do you have an accountability partner or partners? I don’t know why, but I’ve felt the need to stress the importance of having such for many months. Someone with whom you share your struggles, your real struggles. They listen, and then they offer help if asked for, then, the best part, next time we meet, they ask me about it. Or, they email or call to ask me about it. That’s true accountability – following up with the person in an encouraging way. Everyone needs that.

In any case, I remember Greg Matte saying when he spoke at Breakaway, “My ministry is an overflow of my walk with God.” I pray that I would be so embedded in Christ that I would have an overflow that allows me to share. This week, I don’t have any overflow, and it makes me sad.


  1. says

    Thanks for sharing that – I feel the same way, tend to run 100 miles an hour and feel like I am loosing my mind and Chad will ask me about my time with God. It is like an “ah ha” moment that is so obvious I should have known that was it but…….
    I like the quote from Matte – never thought of it that way before. That is great stuff!

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